Coming To The Table - Costa Rica

I just saw a flirtatious post from a black man thanking his white friends for not being offended by his posts about racism, and saying they would "get invited to the cookout." (That phrase means something. If you don't know what it means, you need more intimacy with your black friends... or you need to get some black friends.)

Anyway, I could relate to his gratitude. But I didn't share his post. First of all, not being offended isn't really enough. It's a step in the right direction... maybe. But really I'm kind of ok with you being offended if it leads to a disruption of the homeostasis that permits complacency. Otherwise all I can do is practice integrity in what I share here, making sure to practice discernment regarding whether or not what I share is in alignment with the truth, and has value and serves the greater good. There are many ways that one can be offended that have nothing to do with wrong-doing or disintegration externally. So I'm not concerned so much with whether you're offended. 

I'm actually more concerned with things that matter, that have measurable impact on others, like misrepresentation of truth due to myopia... or intellectual debates about issues that have life threatening consequences... lack of empathy and tone deafness... spiritual, physical, or mental bypassing... authoritative posturing that is not backed by actual knowledge... insensitivity... refusal to defer to the voices of POC to represent the experience of POC... and yes, being so averse to discomfort that one's behavior goes against everything they claim to be about. 

I have intimate relationships with plenty of white people. To live in America is to be intimate with whiteness. There is no question this is true, as this diverse, multi-ethnic culture has always ironically centered around that one axis. I have held space for many with grace that, when black people observe me doing so, it's hard to comprehend that I can have the patience. I have the patience because I have privilege that tempers my black experience. I'm not special. I'm privileged. And for some white folks, they interpret my patience as something other than what it is. It's privilege straight and simple. 

And I could tell you all the ways that I am privileged, but instead I'd rather share that while that privilege does indeed make it so that my suffering is less, I still navigate this world as a black woman. I still walk into a room and I am a black woman. I know what firsthand discrimination looks like. I have had family die at the hands of police without having committed a crime. Every black man in my family has been treated with disrespect by law enforcement, employers, and random white people on the streets. I know firsthand that being black overrides that privilege in countless scenarios. Every black woman in my life has endured incredible amounts of layer upon layer of underestimation, objectification, disregard, misogynoir, psychological/emotional abuse, and the trauma inherited from being born into a legacy of great people who have endured great atrocities. 

I know what privilege has done for me. And I also know the blind spots it has created in my life. And because I don't have the luxury of whiteness, those blind spots are not very subtle. I made a choice very early in my life, to never allow myself to use them to feign ignorance, to never get so comfortable as to become obtuse, to never rest in the comfort of that privilege. Instead I choose to use my privilege, and all that it affords me, for the good of others. I'm not ashamed of it. Even though some may resent me for it. I can acknowledge it, and very enthusiastically acknowledge that it is both a gift and a handicap. And that if I don't use it as a gift, then it's only a handicap. That requires a certain amount of courage and a commitment to my own integrity... a commitment that must be greater than my commitment to my pride. To be righteous, for me, is more important than to be seen as right. 

And so this is my love offering. This is me using my privilege. This is my olive branch. This is my invitation to the cookout for those of you who are white, and/or have privilege, and who desire to use your privilege for good. I promise you, that you will not have a deeper, more intimate, more soulful transcendence than what we have planned. 

My friends and I put this retreat together for anyone who would like to participate, but especially for those of you who are our non-POC friends, who've chosen to be spiritual healers, guides, teachers, counselors, coaches, employers, civic leaders, corporate leaders, etc...and who would like to better inform yourselves around the topic of race and other social justice issues, in order to better serve. This retreat we're planning is going to be chock full of rich, deep diving healing, pattern disruption, exploration and discovery, opportunities for hard to come by and hard to have intimate conversations held in exquisite containers, the majestic beauty of the rainforest of Costa Rica... I've attached the tentative outline we're creating for this experience. 

It's a one of a kind opportunity. And it happens in approximately 5 weeks. Click the link and register today!
https://www.intersectionformankind.com/…/coming-to-the-tabl…